I am so exhausted, I find myself constantly being tired. I’ll lay in bed all morning with having the grief knowledge that I soon may have to crawl out of bed. This is surely only due to the pretense that nothing can accomplished by just squirming around in my bed from the anxiety I reside in. I feel weak and nimble, the days seem to just fly by. Although that may be so, I’m still trying to be productive. It’s most definitely something that I need to be in the process of doing so due to the fact that I’m not in school anymore. Gasp, yeah I dropped out. There was nothing there for me and the dread I faced at exams I knew I would fail due to the lack of interest was just a feeling I couldn’t bare any longer. I eventually knew this event would come to happen just because of the surroundings I was in. City college really wasn’t a place for me, the anti-social atmosphere that I tried so hard to break was just too much. Well, not too much, but I was never a driven person you see? So for me that extra push daily to make friends just didn’t appeal in any sort at all. I was tired of it, sick of all the needed perseverance to simply make temporary friends. I know everything is temporary, but when I say temporary; the time limited within the reference I’m using is usually two to three encounters until they’re back roaming around in the abundant space we have here at San Francisco’s Amazing City College. Let’s not be a pessimist for once, this has taught me that friends like you are rare breeds. I’m ecstatic that you’re still around, swimming around the outer orbital.
It’s Friday, November 11th, at a local cafe across the street from home. It’s gloomy, windy, and a slight raining weather; the atmosphere is quiet. I’m trying to learn how to use Photoshop efficiently, efficiently as in the standards of a respectable graphic designer. After I dropped out of school, I was a little bit lost. I still am in fact, really lost to be honest. I have lost sight of every goal and I’m left to wander by experimentation. Perhaps, I’m only over thinking the inevitable. I’ve heard people my age shouldn’t over think things and just try to enjoy the little things. I just can’t and even though I’m blind sighted, I feel that no matter the circumstances I should make a substantial amount of money. Almost as if it was ingrained into my innate nature. The idea to provide for my family is the only appealing factor that I have that can possibly drive me towards any type of goal. Therefore I’m starting a clothing brand, it’s always been something I wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fashionista or a character of any sort, but I’ve always had a lot of absurd (hopefully) appealing images within this imaginative mind. Sometimes people actually enjoy the images in my mind translated by speech so why not translate some images by apparel? The problem with this is when producing professional apparel there is still many variables to consider. Cost, production number, design style, shirt fit, types of apparel, obtaining silk screen printers, work space, and you know there’s so many more that I don’t have to name. You’re very wise so I know you don’t need the miniscule details, but everything single detail big or small is laid upon me. It’s a lot to handle especially when I have no prior experience and while still caculating if I have enough to pay this months rent at the same time. I’m at the point where I don’t even have enough to pay for buses anymore even though they’re a measely seventy-five cents. I have a feeling this may pay off, it’s an investment I’m willing to make. The designs I’ve hand drawn are still in its fetal stages, but the concept behind it is nothing less than brilliant. Photoshop is the next step, but I’m currently still trying to get the bugs out from Photopshop. I’m very meticulous about the designs from my mind so I want to be the one to do the translating so I can have the exact or almost perfect image I have in my mind. It’s almost impossible for someone to derive an image that wasn’t initially thought of themself. Therefore it’s within the best interest of my brand that I be the person to direct every action.
God damn, that’s what spews from my mouth multiple times a day. Anyways enough, enough, I’m getting by. It’s my mother’s birthday this Saturday, I’m excited about that. There is also a slight resentment because that also means I want to spoil her as much as possible. I know she’ll be okay with anything I get her, but I really want to get her something special that I know she’ll love and use daily. The object that would fit these specific needs would only amount to a purse. Yes, a purse. She’s not too materialistic, but she always obsesses over purses. She’ll try to buy fake ones, but I don’t want a lady like my mother to have anything, but the highest quality of purses. She deserves that, at least. I must find a way to scrape together whatever amount of cash I have in order to get her a fancy purse. That is my objective for this weekend, must be done no matter what. It’ll happen, I know it will. I know myself and I know I won’t let myself fail in getting my mother a stupid purse. Fuck purses.
Enough about clothing and purses, how are you doing? I hope you’re doing abnormally well. Hopefully you’re beginning to set foot on the path of wealth. Wealth seems to be enjoyable while maintaining a standard of stresslessness. If that was even a word. Also, what’s the progress of the green company. You guys were selling solar panels correct? I’m really intrigued by the whole process, I use to do an abundant amount of research and work on solar panels because of my green energy class during high school. And by chance is there any help you guys need with that company? I rather work on green energy than clothing any day. This clothing thing is certainly only temporary, I don’t even care for clothing too much. I just need funding for the right project. I’ll let you know when the right project comes around. All and all, let me know how everything goes, how life’s treating you, your worries, your reliefs, your sadness/happiness, little irritations, sense of joys, and whatever you have in mind. Reacquaint me with Holly Lowe.
Davis P. Nguyen
P.s I typed this at the cafe because I was being serious when I said that I don’t have paper or a pen. I’ll have to go home and write this all back down on some old high school homework assignments that were never turned in. It’ll be to you soon, rest assured!